We believe in empowering our kids, but we do so with a plan. There is nothing better than being an empowered employee but with empowerment comes trust, a huge amount of trust both with those extending the empowerment and those receiving the empowerment. There lies a critical balance. Having been in charge of divisions, empowerment can be tricky but it takes careful thought, deliberation, expectation setting, training, and coaching. It is not as easy as saying, ‘alright employees, you are empowered, ROCK ON!’

I mean you can say that, and If you do – best of luck to you. However, if you plan for empowerment to work, you must set expectations for how the empowerment will work for you and your employees. You must communicate the expectations clearly, ensure they are understood clearly, and provide the tools necessary for employees to carry out the expectations of empowerment.

The same rules apply to empowering our children. However you must remember that we are, instead of dealing with adults who generally understand adult rules of engagement, we are now working with kiddos.

Let’s take the case where I need my kids to eat more, try more and different things. How do you use empowerment?

If my kids have a say in what we put on the menu, and how it is fixed, then will they be willing to eat it? Maybe/maybe not.

First rule of engagement: If you fix it, then you must eat it

In order for this experiment to work (because like everything in #TeamJackson, this is an experiment), I have to define the rules of engagement and my expectations. Now, an important point to consider is ‘do my kids know the basics of cooking?’ – this is important. If they do not, then I must be prepared to take on the role of the teacher and teach them how to make the food. If I do not, I have violated the idea of providing the tools necessary for my kids to be able to carry out empowerment. The whole idea of actually trusting my children to wield sharp pointy objects and using power tools (so they are mixers, blenders, stoves, ovens, they are still power tools in my book) is a totally different discussion – none the less if the trust is not there for the sharp pointy objects – my involvement will be higher until the trust is established.

My next rule of engagement sets the boundaries for how my kids can fix meals and what they can’t or can’t do by themselves, and what my involvement needs to be. (the more I am involved, generally the more time it’s going to take)

Second Rule of engagement – Set boundaries and limits

This effort takes a good amount of planning. Planning around activities is important. If we have a track meet, cooking a meal is probably not going to happen. That, however, is a prime leftover day. So, the days that are low activity days, those are the days we target for cooking meals. Some weeks are so hectic that we actually cook several meals on the weekend and freeze them for a day or two so we can still deploy this effort. It takes planning and flexibility. No two weeks are the same, and some nights depending on their workload, It may be just me cooking, or my husband picking up dinner duties. Regardless, in an ideal week, we have a plan – and of course, we have a plan to deviate from

Third rule of engagement – Planning!

Gotta’ have a plan to deviate from

Joseph Richardson phd

At this point we have established that if we cook it, the kids will eat it, we have also established skill and trust levels for sharp pointy objects and we now have a plan, and we know when we can cook the meals. Now for the fun part (though I think all of this is fun). ENGAGE the kids.! Lots of recipe sources are available, search the internet or go old school with recipe cards or cookbooks. I give the kids the cookbooks and let them have at it. They start picking recipes. Hit the PAUSE button!

—–Just because we have a recipe doesn’t mean we cook it – we negotiate!-

Negotiating is important! If I say no to everything they choose we are tanking this experiment. Total tank – Game Over – Ship Sunk – Tanked. Yes, I will negotiate on what we cook. They don’t have carte-blanche blank check. A couple of reasons – my kids are much less familiar with spices, and tastes. If a recipe calls for a strong spice like curry, we talk about the implications of the recipe and whether they may or may not like it. If It is a recipe with an ingredient they were allergic to, we figure out how to modify or for a strong spice we figure out how to modify. Another reason to negotiate is the budget. There are a lot of recipes that call for expensive ingredients. That doesn’t mean we don’t fix it, but we watch for sales or save to be able to make it. Yet another reason to negotiate is time – if we have a busy week it may not be plausible to make our own pasta, maybe it is a weekend recipe, maybe we put it in the queue for the following week, or make it in parts. There are lots of ways to handle this but you must be prepared to negotiate. Trust me your kids are way more skilled at this than you think. Don’t go into this unarmed.

Fourth rule of engagement – Negociate!

Once you agree on a recipe or recipes – procure said ingredients. Procurement is one of my main roles in the household. I procure stuff – that’s what I do. If you ask Special K, he will tell you that I am rather talented and procurement (spending money). I prefer the term procurement.

The next step is rolling out the plan – (expect it to change, because you know that the schedule will change and if you don’t cook it this week, make sure you freeze or store the ingredients because you have one less meal for next week).

DO IT – DON’T QUIT

Not every meal will be amazing, nor will everyone be one you want to cook again, but you will be amazed. When the kids are involved in meal preparation and selection, their motivation to actually try and enjoy the meal is radically different. Expect this to be Awkward! Expect to put in the wrong amounts and you as a parent are gonna have to figure out a solution (My son likes the color orange, if it is orange, then his operating mode is ‘more is better’. Not necessarily the best mode for chili powder). Yes, even the completely wrong ingredients (salt and sugar look so much alike). We have had to throw stuff out. It will happen. RELAX and picture your self as the nutty professor with a full lab of widely entertaining experiments! As you get better and better at this the whole process will flow and the rules of engagement will change. Your trust of sharp pointy objects will change.

Oh, by the way, guess what! (not chicken butt.) You have just empowered your Kids. Welcome to the world of empowerment!

We will try again tomorrow!